Let it Be...

One of my good friends left a saying last time I blogged, a saying that i have yet to get out of my head this week. As your week goes by, do you think about life, and the lessons that you can learn in the week. My mind is at a constant speed, i watch, listen, and learn each day just observing and making myself aware of the world. Last night was was one of those AHA moments during the parade of people decked out from head to toe in the most interesting costumes that you have ever seen. As i watched the friends, lovers, and groups of people interact with each other, i couldn't help but hear the phrase "let it be." Halloween is one of those holidays, where people just let it be. Going all out for a holiday, in my opinion, is a made up holiday where people let themselves just be; including me. i thought about all the Halloween's i have lived through, the physical seasonal changes my body has gone through, and the future ones i will have. I also look forward to sharing season's with a partner. Can you imagine being married 20 or even 30 years; think about all the costumes changes you will have, and what you will let yourself be.
Life is like this made up holiday, rarely do we let our inner emotions just be. Why can't we be who we want to everyday of the year. We let our work life, and personal life take over the driver's seat. Think about the last time you were alone. When was the last time that you took to yourself to have a day off, write in your journal, read your book, go to the park, or  do what you wanted to do to make your happy. What about the person or friend you love the most, when was the last time you called or even visited. You never know when they are not going to be there, life is precious, take all moments you can.

I have taken the personal challenge each week to let myself be, reflect on my week, my life, and how I can better the relationships with others better. i look forward to finding the person I want to be, and also be the person that my partner,my best friend can come to me, and we can just be. I wait in anticipation for the many times the I get to be who I want to be, not only one day out of the year, but as many days I let myself be.

F* IT- LEAP OF FAITH

This past week I have been reflecting on the word love. As the band HEART states "what about love, don't you want someone to care about." I have personally reflected about my love life. Whom I have been with, I care about, and who I have truly loved. 
The past three years have been a emotional love/hate battle entangled with challenges that I thought I would never face both alone, and also in a relationship setting. Hurt, heartache, trust, cheating, happiness, joy, aha moments; I've had it all. In my deep thought journey this week,  I wanted to know where love originated from, and what truly is love.


 Through Greek mythology "humans were composed of two people stuck back-to-back, with two faces and eight limbs. Male-male humans came from the Sun, female-female humans from the Earth and male-female humans from the Moon. The gods, out of jealousy, split them in half. Now, throughout our lives, we are always trying to find our "other half". 


So in the depths of my soul research, I have truly thought about those I have been with, those that I have hurt, and those that have hurt me. The conclusion I came up with is this. 
Every trial of love (or relationship) I have ever faced, has prepared me for the next person in my life. In my past relationships I have truly learned something from each person; good or bad. That lesson is carried onto the next person, until finally, when the stars align you find that other half. You might be flipping crazy to end one relationship and jump right into another one; but how do you know if you don't even dare to jump. 


For some, taking the first jump and coming off a rebound might take a couple of one night stands, some  a year, a month or two; whatever works for that person. How crazy would to be jump in less than two weeks or even a day after your loss. Are you prepared to take the leap of faith? 


In the past for me, I take my sweet time. I mend my losses, pick up the pieces, sit in the darkness, cry, and ignore the world in my fat pants for about six months. I don't really have a desire to be social, nor do I want to be with anyone in a emotional state . I just want to be wrapped in my pity party, chocolate, fat pants, gym, and reading time; until I am ready to love again. It's all about ME.


I discovered something new on my love life journey this time around at age 31. The word that comes to mind is F it. Not F it in a bad way, but  FORGET it. Forget your pity party, fat pants, gym time. You are not in charge of the aligning of the stars, its not about you, it's about when. If it comes embrace it, roll with it, and hell, if you fall flat on your face; you've learned something new for the next relationship your going to be in. 


Some of us might journey for the rest of our love life looking and building the bridge of love. For some it comes oh so quickly, say high school sweethearts. Whatever or wherever you are in your life, think about your bridge of love you are building. Are you willing to just F-it and take the leap of faith.  Or are you going to continue on your journey  buidling the bridge with your other half. Either way, single, married, committed, don't forget the steps you have taken to get where you are now. 
For me, I am ready, and open to build my bridge. If I fall flat on my face, F* It; worst case is, I start it all over again. 
This time it's not about ME, it's about love. I do want someone to care about, and I want someone to care about US. 

Let Me Let Go

Ever thought of just letting it go, meaning, to hell with whatever, and whatever the hell may come. In my new found life of 31, I have learn to just say to hell with it! 
 Recently Faith Hill's song "Let me Let go" has been on my mind. Now you may be thinking that this song is letting go of someone that has just crushed your heart even though you still love them, and you will always think of them. Though that is mushy and sweet, there are many pieces of life that fit into this little song. 


For me its the fear of unknown, bad habits, self doubt, self worth, and learning to love someone all over again. What I need to do is say to hell with it, leave it all behind, throw caution my way, and GO FOR IT.  
I need to Change where I am at, who I am with, the way I think, judgements I may carry, or even the small little habits i have to break. Whatever I need to do to be ready for the NOW. 
If you don't ever take chances, will you always say "I wonder what would've happened."


 I learned my lesson well recently while on my last vacation. I stepped out of my comfort zone, said to hell with it and did what made me happy. The results were awesome, I was the real me, and I enjoyed who I was. That trip has made me happier as I realized that I can let go of everything, and just start taking chances; sometimes they even pay off! 


 Faith delivers it for you. Taken a listen yourself. What do you need to "let it let go".  


Let me let go, baby Let me let go. 
If this is for the best, why are you still in my heart 
Are you still in my soul, let me let go

I talked to you the other day
Looks like you made your escape
You put us behind, no matter how I try
I can't do the same

Let me let go, baby
Let me let go
It just isn't right, I've been two thousand miles
Down a dead-end road 

Let me let go, baby Let me let go. 

If this is for the best, why are you still in my heart 

Are you still in my soul, let me let go 

It's in god's hands now-The Balance of life!

Life has come at me in like a freight truck out of control. I try to have the balance of everything- emotional, spiritual, and physically. 

Emotionally it's been a ride. The last two months I feel I wanted so much trust and love someone or anyone if god would help me, then I would listen. What really is love? How do we know, or do we? those were my thoughts.. Then this past week I realized love is there if you just let it be. Open your eyes, heart, and mind. If you seek it, then its not love. Mamma says "accident's happen, but god always knows what he's doing." So after this week, caution to the wind, and to hell with the norm. I will be open, and ready anytime for anything that may come my way.

Spiritually I get it.. I really do.. pray, read your bible, do unto others, and most importantly talk to the creator. Simple really right? I realized that my spiritual time has been cut in half , which makes for a  half hazard hot mess. Without the balance and time to myself , I will feel lost like a sort of do now. 

Physically I thought i was good the last two month's and then I let the world take over. Took on a bad habit, let go of my hard work, and went to hell in a hand basket. 

So what does one do to find the perfect balance in life. throw it in creator's hands, follow his lead, and don't look back is my assumption. 

If that's the case. ..I'm ready creator, its all yours now. Caution to the wind teach me to balance life without getting ran over!!